New "Adult" Step

So...guess what? Well, you (the reader) most likely already knows that I am ENGAGED to Benjamin Crabtree!!! So this post is the recounting of our engagement.

We went to the Outer Banks with his family (Sam, Donna, and Chris), the Tolberts (Randy and Kim), and the Gilsons (Ron, Erin, Ryan, and Cali). We had a huge beach house rented for the week with plans to fish, swim, layout, and do some site seeing.

I have never been to the OBX so I was excited to see (and possibly climb) some lighthouses. Which played into his hands well! We got there Saturday, Sunday was rainy, and Monday set out to be beautiful. He has since told me that he planned to take me out on the first nice day so we could spend the majority of vacation engaged. So Monday it was.

We left early and headed to Corona Island to see the Currituck Lighthouse. At one point during the ride I cut the back of my left heel on something sharp under the car seat (blood letting #1). We got stuck in traffic on the island and finally made it to the lighthouse. Looking back I should have known something was up because he wouldn't sit next to me at breakfast (ring box was in his cargo short pocket) and he "bartered" with me, "If you straighten your hair I'll shave my face." Hahahaha.

So we walked around the yard, went in the gift shop, and then he announces he needs to go to the bathroom. Weird in retrospect. As we are walking to the bathroom he accidentally steps on the back of my heel, tearing open my huge blister I got running on the beach the day before (blood letting #2). I am now bleeding out of both heels! He tells me later he went in the bathroom, got as far away from the toilet as possible, then pulled the box out to check the ring position.

We then proceed to pay and begin climbing to the top of Currituck. Once up we take pictures, look around, and enjoy the view/breeze. At one point I look away and turn around to see him getting on one knee. I proceed to say, "Stop playing around" (or something similar). He says, "Lauren Fuselier, will you marry me?" To which I reply, "Are you serious?....YES!!!!!" He then puts the ring on my finger (which I don't even remember him doing). And I CRIED. We then had to wait for someone else to climb up so we could take pictures and re-create the moment...so the pictures are staged but hysterical. We climb down and I ask if we get a prize for getting engaged up top, but the answer was no. But alot of cute old women congratulated us. We then went to the gift shop to buy a few Currituck mementos.

We drove back to the house to screaming and hugging family and a sweet happy engagement package from my mom that included wedding magazines, champagne, and champagne glasses.

And thus begins our engagement journey. No we don't have a date/time/season/color/etc picked out or planned. But I know I love him.

As of late...

Lately. Boy have I been learning alot lately. And really it's all been about myself and those around me. That's all I'll say for now, but I needed the little reminder on here.

I'm still waiting on the BIG project/news I'm waiting for. I would say I'm tired of waiting, but I'm not. I'm learning, growing, and appreciative of it all.

Next up for all you other newly minted adults...finances! Aren't you excited? You should be, I'm taking the Dave Ramsey course, and I would like to share...

Life moves on?

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Praying, praying, praying. This is the pattern of my days this past week. I posted on Facebook that I am over this week, and I truly am. I want the weekend, to see my friends, and perhaps distract myself from the waiting.

It's so easy to ask God's will, then pray for God's will, but I find waiting for it the hardest. I serve an all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing God, and yet I try to do his job daily.

God...are you laughing with me again? Because I finished that last paragraph and it started pouring down raining (if you don't get it read my post titled Rain).

I said it once before, I'll say it again. I'm tired of the uncertainty, the feeling of floating through life with nothing to anchor to. I don't mean this spiritually, but really just work related. I'm ready to feel permanent. Even with a "full-time" position I do not feel permanently rooted in this job. It's very unsettling.

I feel like everything and everyone I know is moving forward but I am still sitting in Neutral, right where I started...anyone want to give me a jump?

God really enjoys a good laugh...

So, after my last post I literally proof read it, post it, and the phone rings. And it was a semi-answer/sorta confirmation of the situation I have been agonizing/praying over. W-O-W. God, you HAD to have giggled a little at the timing of it all! I mean, I finally come to grips with my circumstances then BAM! You basically hit me with your best shot! Thanks!

Anywho...I am not ready to share about said semi-answer yet because it is still a semi-answer. For now I am giving it to God whenever it comes to mind...which is often.

I have recently (as in 3 days ago) acquired a more permanent roommate (as in this one is not leaving for college and will be paying half of the rent!). This is a really great thing for me and her, and I am so grateful she agreed to move in with me!

At church we're currently doing a series on "Ordinary Jesus." How can we reflect Jesus in our daily lives? It's been really great. I've truly enjoyed the last 2 Sundays and have even cried some in both services for various reasons. I am sincerely enjoying this time of renewal and prayer in my life and trying to seek his guidance for everything. Because believe me, I know, I've been there, I am there...and being a twentysomething newly minted adult without him, just doesn't make sense.

Raining

‎"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." -Henry W. Longfellow

I saw this in a friend's status and just had to reflect on it. I'm taking it in reference to my current life, not the weather patterns (because there is not a drop in sight in Charlotte).

I am a mover, a shaker, a doer. I make plans, I follow said plans. I get really bent out of shape when plans do not formulate, when I have to depend on others to make plans (because it seems they never do). I am not saying I am inflexible (although that's the way it seems). I am a flexible individual. One thing I've learned over the years of being s short-term missionary is "Semper Gumby" (taking a page from the Marines)...Always flexible. It really seems like when my personal life is not happening according to MY plan (God who?) that things are really bad. And I think God is trying to teach me this right now.

I find it terribly ironic that in this insane financial climate we live in today I got a job immediately out of graduate school (which I was confident I would, which was part of MY plan), only to find that I am broke. Actually past broke, horribly in debt and losing my mind over it. I described it the other day as being stuck in the undertow in the ocean. Swimming parallel to shore, and praying fiercely to not get a cramp and get sucked out to sea. I am close to drowning...and I have a JOB! Seriously???

I won't go into the details because they are just downright hairy. But here I sit, and no guarantee of if/when things will improve. For the last 2 weeks I have been having "mini" panic attacks (I feel safe saying mini, I've had the real thing...not even close). This week I chose and claimed "awesome," as my chiropractor suggested (love that man). As in, "this week will be awesome" (difficult to repeat on a Monday morning), "I WILL have an awesome day." Nothing spectacular has occurred, but I have felt more at peace and I think God gave me an idea for some help yesterday.

All this to say I love rain (unlike some people I know), I find it beautiful and cleansing. But I tend to shy away from the emotional/physical/financial rains that sometimes come. So here I sit, I say bring the rain Lord, thank you for the rain. Please cleanse me with the rain and help new growth within me to absorb the rain. Reign in me.

Seperate lives

Today is Lindsey's 22nd birthday. I know we are only 2.5 years apart, but it is so odd to be that she is 22 (perhaps because she still has her uber-skinny 16 year old body). I've been thinking alot lately about the changes adulthood brings. Shiny billboard example with sparkling lights: My parents just made a huge decision. (Don't worry, nothing dangerous, and no, I'm not telling, it's not my secret to tell). The kind of decision that would have changed alot in high school, and now...it just doesn't even matter. Actually, it's kind of nice knowing whatever decisions they make do not affect me anymore. Now this decision could involve alot of "sweat equity" on my part, but I am free to tell them no and continue on with my life (read: won't happen, even when I say no I still help, it's just in my nature).

My point being it's as though the "separation" from my parents I worked so hard to create all through college has magically appeared with little effort on my part. Had I known it was this simple I would have stopped trying years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, probably more now than in recent years, but it has taken several years for me to understand several things about my past, my parents, and just come to an acceptance of it all. And now, it's nice to be on the other side of the parental struggles. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's nice to finally have that separation.

Newly Minted Blog

Here goes nothing. And I'll be honest from the get go. This could literally be nothing. But I hope to prove myself wrong. See, here's the history: I was never good at a diary, but I love to write out my thoughts. Actually I find it quite cleansing and therapeutic. My freshman year of college I got into the whole Xanga craze and did really good at maintaining that blog. So good in fact that I still keep myself logged in, in the hopes that one day I will write a book about my freshman year of college (that and my 8th grade year, but they are totally unrelated and would be completely different stories).

Which reminds me, I have approximately 4-5 different book ideas floating around my head at any given time. I don't know if I'll ever write one, or if I do, if I'd ever publish it, or even let someone else read it.

Back to the task at hand. Alot of people I know have blogs right now. Heck, I have a blog right now. I just want a way to connect with everyone, like they are connecting. I'm also hoping to detangle my often tangled thoughts. So I guess I'm saying, thank you for being brave enough for reading this far, and wish me luck with continuing this blog!