Raining

‎"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." -Henry W. Longfellow

I saw this in a friend's status and just had to reflect on it. I'm taking it in reference to my current life, not the weather patterns (because there is not a drop in sight in Charlotte).

I am a mover, a shaker, a doer. I make plans, I follow said plans. I get really bent out of shape when plans do not formulate, when I have to depend on others to make plans (because it seems they never do). I am not saying I am inflexible (although that's the way it seems). I am a flexible individual. One thing I've learned over the years of being s short-term missionary is "Semper Gumby" (taking a page from the Marines)...Always flexible. It really seems like when my personal life is not happening according to MY plan (God who?) that things are really bad. And I think God is trying to teach me this right now.

I find it terribly ironic that in this insane financial climate we live in today I got a job immediately out of graduate school (which I was confident I would, which was part of MY plan), only to find that I am broke. Actually past broke, horribly in debt and losing my mind over it. I described it the other day as being stuck in the undertow in the ocean. Swimming parallel to shore, and praying fiercely to not get a cramp and get sucked out to sea. I am close to drowning...and I have a JOB! Seriously???

I won't go into the details because they are just downright hairy. But here I sit, and no guarantee of if/when things will improve. For the last 2 weeks I have been having "mini" panic attacks (I feel safe saying mini, I've had the real thing...not even close). This week I chose and claimed "awesome," as my chiropractor suggested (love that man). As in, "this week will be awesome" (difficult to repeat on a Monday morning), "I WILL have an awesome day." Nothing spectacular has occurred, but I have felt more at peace and I think God gave me an idea for some help yesterday.

All this to say I love rain (unlike some people I know), I find it beautiful and cleansing. But I tend to shy away from the emotional/physical/financial rains that sometimes come. So here I sit, I say bring the rain Lord, thank you for the rain. Please cleanse me with the rain and help new growth within me to absorb the rain. Reign in me.